The stuff of dreams - coated in Royal icing!

Dreams are funny things. Couple of nights ago I was at a wedding, with some friends.

We hadn't gone to the service but had been invited to the reception - a sit-down affair. The empty tables were due to the 'royal' guests being whisked away for the official photos.

As we waited patiently we surmised as to who might be there. Camilla was a cert, although in our books she wasn't really a royal.

Suddenly I was transported outside and was walking alongside Prince William - or Prince as I call him (we're on first name terms).

Kate wasn't around and Prince did his best to ignore me - even pretending to read the newspaper as we strolled along.

I spotted the Globe Theatre but couldn't get him to comment.

Suddenly I was transported - not to the Tower - but to the inside of my car. I was battling through traffic with no clue as to where I was headed. A strange roundabout was ahead, so I thought. But too late I realised it was actually a skateboard park, made of pale blue plastic.

Before you all email in with suggestions about what any of that means, I need to let you know about the previous Royal dream.

It was in the spring, just before Wills and Kate tied the knot.

I rushed into the Abbey via a side entrance. I found myself in a room full of worried officials. "Don't worry, David", a flunky said to the PM. "Everything's going to be fine, Baggy's here".

The sigh of relief was almost audible to the gathered congregation.

As you know, thanks to my presence the wedding went off without a hitch.

OK - email me before the men in white coats drag me away!