On Wednesday I flew on the wing of a bat and slept cuddling its toothy, drooling head.
Yes, I watched Twilight.
For those of a certain age, if you mention vampires it’s Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and Bela Lugosi that spring to mind. If you’re still pimply from puberty it’s probably the likes of Buffy and Bella that set your pulse rate soaring.
So what’s all the fuss about?
New girl at school Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) hooks up with pale but interesting Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson).
Bella’s the daughter of the town’s police chief and if you thought he was the Van Helsing character, you’d be wrong. In fact there was very little offered in the way of comfort to fans of classical Dracula.
Dreary Bella was drawn to moody Edward and they fell in love. End of.
Really? Was that it? Well the vampires were almost an irrelevancy – there could be 101 reasons why the pair shouldn’t hook up – but vampires ticked the box.
The film hinged on that old nugget – that love conquers all. Yes, even the worry that you’re going to have your very soul sucked out through the nearest artery can be beaten by that love bug.
And that’s what the film really is – a classic love story. It isn’t difficult to see why the franchise has been such a success.
Me? Yes, I enjoyed it. But when you watch a film and ponder how the appearance of the male lead could be improved with a decent haircut, you know you’re possibly not the target audience.
Did I have nightmares? Nope. This film was pure romance.