“Hello? No, I can’t talk to you now; I have an elbow stuck in my eye!”

With man’s ability to evolve, the next version of our kind is likely to need doorways and corridors to widen by approximately two feet.

Before you all reach for the diet books, it won’t be obesity that causes this development. Researchers believe that in approximately 4.37 generations time, the male of our species will be born with their elbows permanently bent with the hand resting just above the shoulder.

Unfortunately for women it will be 6.27 generations before the ability to give birth to this modern man evolves. Luckily scientists are busy researching stronger painkillers.

Why this most radical of transformations to our body? Mobile phones. You only have to walk through any busy shopping centre or along a street and you’re faced, literally, with the ‘mobile elbow’. Unfortunately our brains may take longer to recognise this phenomenon and until we all catch up, we are destined to be ‘elbowed’ as we walk along.

Darwin’s theory assumes that a species would evolve together; this is the first time modern scientists can disprove him.

So the next time you get an elbow in the eye, remember Darwin and those apes.

Nuts ain’t it?